Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
