she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
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