Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
it was like eating out sand paper
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
