see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
