Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Randomize
