...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
