Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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