I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize