I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
