I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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