look no pants
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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