dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
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