I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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