Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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