My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
