I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
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