We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Randomize
