you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
i've created a new STD.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
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