for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
