Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
