I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
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