You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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