i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
