I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
