They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
