R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
