Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize