Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
My ass is underappreciated
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
