plz talk dirty to me
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
even my farts smell like vagina
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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