oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I think my moral compass just broke
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