awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
