During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
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