Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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