nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
