peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
