He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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