Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize
