i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
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