Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
