I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
