just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
We smell like vodka and hangover
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