Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
