Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
