I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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