That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
