I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
