I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
