you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
When are your genitals available?
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
