I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
