my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
