There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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