He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
