you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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