Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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