well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
