I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
the condom got lost in my hair
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
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