How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Randomize
