The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Randomize
