if you like me you must not know who I am
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
