I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
