if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Randomize
