Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
