I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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