At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
