I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Shame - the story of my life.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
