make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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