I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
